Why would an attorney follow the NJ laws on alimony when they can get "years of costly and stressful litigation". Costly to the litigants and profitable to the attorneys.

Using my experience as a plaintiff against one of Mr. Snyder's clients to whom I was married 32 years, I suggest that you forget getting alimony and get the equivalent amount in liquid assets so that you have the asset in hand rather than hoping you will ever see it in the future. Permanent alimony does not mean that you will receive it for the rest of your life, even if it were to be paid to you. I was granted only 6 years and like you was a SAHM with no work experience, no degree and the sole caretaker of a special needs adult. There is NO guarantee that what you are due will ever be paid to you. The Court does not go after alimony arrears - only child support. In my situation the factor of the dead beat being outside the USA and you can see the precariousness of the situation. So get the asset up front and cut the ties there and then. You will save a lot of money, time and grief.

Whenever meeting with a divorce attorney,when the question of "Assets" comes up, run. They aren't interested in what YOU will get, they are trying to figure out how long they can milk it and GET it for themselves.
Ask, "How much will it cost me to get divorced". If they can't give you a number, with a bit of leeway for typical divorce BS, RUN. Flat rate, not hourly.

Anyone who is reading this and looking for sincere accurate advice should be go elsewhere. While technically accurate, this article is another plant in an ongoing media reform between the New Jersey matrimonial bar and proponents of alimony and family law reform. There are several problems with this article that make it a self-serving promotional piece. Firstly, the hypothetical presents a case that is most sympathetic for a determination that the litigant is eligible for permanent alimony. In reality, the uneducated, long-term stay at home mother is increasingly the rarity. The hypothetical also arouses ire by mentioning that the husband left the wife for a younger woman. In point of fact according to the most recent Bureau of Labor Statistics studies, women outearn men in over 38% of relationships. Women dominate 8 out of the 10 professions that are expected to grow the most over the next 20 years. The recent recession has disproportionately decimated male-dominated professions-finance, real estate and construction. (And any one who is middle-aged and single who has had even the most casual contact with the dating scene will tell you that there are hardly any great numbers of younger women out trawling for older men and vice versa.) The truth of the matter is that nowadays most couples come into a marriage older, educated and with vocational skills and experience so that if a break-up happens the unemployed or marginally employed spouse can get back to work.

Based on statistics and demographic trends, the alimony payer is just as likely to be woman as man, and perhaps even more so given the disproportionate impact of the recent recession on men. This is how the system really works. There is a legal concept to be understood: in New Jersey alimony is determined by reference to 13 statutory factors that are supposed to be evaluated by a judge including income, health and duration of the marriage. While there are guidelines for child support, there are no guidelines for determination of alimony or equitable distribution of assets the other key financial elements of divorce. (Incidentally, there is no case or law defining parental alienation which gives the custodial parent a free hand to destroy a child's relationship with the non-custodial parent.) However, the great hypocrisy of New Jersey family law is that support is to be determined by a judge considering factors, but because there are not enough judges to hear cases, less than 1/2 of 1% of dissolution cases involving support are never heard by a judge. So the factors just promote conflict and expense by giving matrimonial lawyers the statutory fodder to form the basis for argument rather than efficient conciliation.
The first thing that a matrimonial lawyer gets from a new client is the Case Information Statement. This is a complete financial disclosure that is used to evaluate the case. It also gives the matrimonial lawyer a sense of the assets available to pay fees.

While theoretically the CIS is submitted by the parties under penalty of perjury, no one is ever prosecuted for making false or misleading statements on a CIS and no lawyer is ever sanctioned. Accordingly, the litigant who is exposed to alimony (man or woman because the law is gender-neutral), is motivated to complete the CIS is a manner to minimize income, and the party who is to receive alimony is motivated to exaggerate need. Some litigants will doctor shop to get and ADHD or autism spectrum diagnosis to exaggerate medical expenses, a new and now common tactic to use children of the marriage for financial gain. Put another way, say a $50,000 wage earner marries and $100,000 wage earner, the parties will have a post-tax lifestyle of about $105,000. At divorce, the $100,000 wage-earner must keep the $50,000 wage-earner in a $105,000 marital lifestyle so that the law imposes an impossible obligation at the outset of the case. The $100,000 wage earner needs to hire a lawyer to argue factors for a reduced lifestyle and the $50,000 wage-earner needs to hire a lawyer to argue for a maximal lifestyle. So the lawyers go at it for $400 or $500 an hour with no hope of getting in front of a judge, and when the money runs out someone settles.

But no one tells the party who agrees to pay that settlement agreements in NJ are interpreted as contracts, and it is nearly impossible to get alimony altered if the payer loses his job even if the recipient spouse ultimately earns enough on their own to maintain the former marital lifestyle. And lifetime alimony continues past retirement, without any deduction, so that most payers (especially in the post-2008 world where 401(k)'s have been destroyed in the market, can expect to work until they die are are so physically depleted that maybe a judge in the future will take pity on them.
The author says the following: "Anticipating how a Judge will exercise his or her discretion is the key to successfully and effectively litigating in alimony case and requires an attorney with experience in this area of law." The most truthful phrase is "anticipating how a judge will exercise his or her discretion" and the most accurate word is "anticipating". If a judge actually heard a case would not require "anticipating"; it would require preparing proofs and getting them in front of a judge who might actually hear a case. In point of fact, most cases in NJ are settled under economic duress based on the advice of a lawyer guessing what a judge might do; and the advice as to what a judge might do tends to become more dire as the litigant's ability to pay ratchets down and the pressure to end the case ratchets up.
Welcome to the Garden State Family court!

In New Jersey 98% of divorces are resolved by settlement, which means that the court almost never uses its discretion to weigh the statutory factors. What this means for divorcing couples is that the lawyers they hire will decide the outcome. If one party is unreasonable the other party has only two choices, agree to an unfair settlement or lose the family savings on litigation costs. Therefore, as a practical matter the current divorce system in New Jersey gives all of the power to the party willing to risk everything. The Permanent Alimony statute provides the power of coercion to the lower income spouse. The question posed to Mr. Snyder is a clear-cut case where Permanent Alimony might be appropriate. However, it needs to be pointed out that because of the unbalanced distribution of power given by New Jersey to divorcing couples, Permanent Alimony can and is awarded inappropriately. In New Jersey, manipulative and abusive people use the laws to get lifetime alimony, and in effect are handed the power to continue abuse.

Here is a better hypothetical:
I am a woman and the higher wage earner. I am married to a physically and psychologically abusive man. He almost killed me last year and a judge ordered him to take anger management classes. Now he wants a divorce and he says he wants permanent alimony. The man is a failure in all he ever did. I stayed married to him for 25 years because of my religious beliefs and because I was afraid of him. Will NJ allow this person to abuse me for the rest of my life by ordering permanent alimony?

Are there any members of the bar who would be willing to opine on that one? Incidentally, California recently passed a law banning the payment of alimony to an abuser (following a judge ordering a woman to pay alimony to an abuser). New Jersey has no such law, and no one appears to be advocating the passage of such a law.

Here is another hypothetical. Arranged marriages are common in some cultures. Imagine a man bringing his young new wife to New Jersey. Her culture requires subservience to her husband. He sends her to school, then on to a job. He demands her pay check. He uses the money for multiple failed businesses. He is a failure and never earns appreciable income and as a result of his frustration physically abuses his wife. She fears him and so, stays married for 15 years. Then her American friends convince her that she should not put up with her abuser any longer, and she files for divorce. Who is going to get the Permanent Alimony Mr. Snyder?

It is obvious as I continue down the divorce process that the only one that benifits is the attorneys. This is clearly why they do not want any refrom that will kill their cash cow. I have spent 75 k batalling a spouse and her attorney that feel they have nothing to loose and everything to gain. I also paid 20k to her attorney. These attorneys are like maggets feeding off the decomposing body! The attorney keeps asking for the same documents which i have produced, in the mean time I keep getting billed. I wish and pray that these same attorneys end up in the same position and feel the pain and frustration that they put people through......all in the name of money!

Can you please comment on this hypothetical case Mr. Snyder. Everyone is interested in your legal opinion. A Camden police officer serves for 20 years and has been wounded on the job twice. Finally he cannot take the stress of his high pressure job any longer and retires with a pension. At home his marriage is on the rocks. He and his wife divorce, all assets are divided equally, but he, being the primary breadwinner is ordered to pay Permanent Alimony. He dutifully pays his alimony until age 67 working various part time jobs. Finally, his health fails and he is forced to stop working. Both he and his ex-wife each get half of the pension plus social security. He applies to the court to get his alimony modified and to eliminate an expensive life insurance policy that he was ordered to pay for with his ex-wife as the beneficiary. What are the chances that a New Jersey Family Court judge will eliminate the alimony? The only assets available to the couple are the retirement assets? What is your best guess about how much your services will cost to make the application to the court?

Dear Mr. Snyder, could you please clarify your statement “Perhaps the most compelling aspect to any alimony case is the fact that a trial court has broad and substantial discretion with respect to its decision in rendering an alimony award. Anticipating how a Judge will exercise his or her discretion is the key to successfully and effectively litigating in alimony case and requires an attorney with experience in this area of law." Do you mean that the more connected lawyer will be able to get a better deal for you? How can a client find out whether the lawyer they plan to hire is well connected? Is there a relationship between the hourly rate that the lawyer charges and how well connected he/she is?

Mr. Snyder. I trust you have children? If they were the higher income earner & were faced with supporting an ex for life, tell me how would you defend that? It appears you are in full support of allowing entitlement forever. View a couple in their 30's at the time of divorce- their length of marriage = permanent alimony. Your skills, I am sure, would prevent that injustice from ever taking place. You highlight the extenuating circumstance of a 36 year marriage. What of a younger couple with less income or who share the same degree, but does not make use of their skills, does not work because the divorce laws entitle them to lifetime dependency. Laws that indenture one, absolving the other of any self-responsibility, is not at all fair. In my opinion, the family law section is quite aware of the travesty of injustice. . Just because this law has been on the books for 35 years does not make it right. Here are some other NJ Laws that no longer make sense. County jails are not allowed to spend more than 50 cents per day on prisoners." “A woman forfeits her property rights to her husband if she’s been ravished unless the husband forgives her” Is that fair?
"It is against the law to “frown” at a police officer." – True law on the books. It is illegal to sell ice cream after 6pm, unless the customer has a note from his doctor. – Just because they are laws, does not mean they are fair or make sense.

This is for those who expect a former spouse to take care of them. I was in the salon a week ago. A young female apprentice was carrying boxes up the steps and a young male apprentice catches up to her and offers to help. She replied "no thank you, I can do this myself." I thought, do today's legislatures & lawyers get it? Do they understand that today's society of women are far different from women 40 yrs. ago? Over forty percent of the U.S. work force is comprised of women.
Permanent and long-term alimony awards (over 2yrs) are encouraging laziness and sends the message to society that taking someone else's money, because you can, is an honorable thing to do. Transitional alimony, also known as short-term alimony, is the reasonable alternative. Women and Men should be encouraged to work towards self-sufficiency and independence after divorce. Our State Welfare Systems expect recipients to get jobs, provide proof of employment, etc. Why the double standard? Why are we telling divorcee's in New Jersey that they can sit on their duffs collecting alimony and child support and/or, work and collect alimony and child support? If someone sits at home for years, even after the children are in school full-time, that is their choice and no one shall be held financially responsible for their lack of motivation. We can't complain about the Bernie Madoff types, twisted mortgage deals, and thieves; while in in other areas of law we are encouraging this type of behavior.

May I ask the attorneys about the following hypothetical case? A woman marries a physician who has an established and successful private practice. The woman has masters degrees in computer science and education and has a successful career in her field when they marry. Fourteen years and 2 children later the marriage breaks down. Is Permanent Alimony appropriate? One can hardly say that this woman gave up her career for the marriage or her husband’s successful career. She arrived on the scene much later. Also, what do you think would be a fair equitable distribution? Would it be fair to award her 100% of the assets? Perhaps you or one of your partners at Einhorn, Harris et al. might provide insight about what is fair in this case?

Just Sheri, My, my what a judgmental person you are! Why do you assume that I DON"T have a job? In fact I work THREE jobs, all to which my son must accompany me since he has no other place to go while I work ! Unlike many folks I claim all three salaries as my +/- $12K income on my taxes which I file each year.
You BET I am due the +$150K arrears amount AGREED to in our settlement as is my son due his child support of over $35,000 arrears ! I married at 19 and lived abroad for Ex's job for nearly the first 10 years or our 32 yr marriage. The Ex however ceased paying all supports after the 1st yr of six and only thanks to Probation confiscating funds once or twice a year did we receive any $$. This man ceased filing taxes since 2003. So don't assume I am not doing MY part! I didn't abandon the family, cease all contact w. children, commit adultery, hide a brokerage account, change my name, move to Canada then to Saudi Arabia and Beirut and get paid in cash for those jobs. No, I reduced my living expenses, cobbled together three part time jobs, provided a loving & stable home for my son and moved on.
You are ignorant of the reality that if you have no degree, no prior work history and are a full-time caregiver the selection for employment is extremely finite. Day programs for the disabled close before 3pm so most caregivers are unable to work a full-time job. Often they must provide the transport too.

Sue, it appears that you have done the right thing for yourself and your child. And it is unfortunate that you have been abandoned by a person who abuses the system. I wish you well. I do want to point out that current alimony laws or future reformed alimony laws do nothing to deter those intent on immoral behavior. Your story has nothing to do with the question of whether alimony laws need to be reformed.

Ms. Underwood is understandably angry, but her issue has nothing to do with alimony reform.

I have been in New Jersey for a few years. Frankly, I am astonished at the states draconian and out-dated alimony laws. If one were to step outside of NJ for a significant amount of time, one would see a progressive nation that nurtures the values of hard work, self-sufficiency and independence. I imagine New Jersey would like to be known as a just and progressive state. Permanent and long-term alimony is a thing of the past and has no place in today's society.

The Court doesn't go after alimony arrears???? I can give you the names of over 100 men in county lock-up in Bergen, Passaic, Morris, Sussex, Somerset, Hunterdon, Middlesex, Monmouth and Ocean Counties who are in jail for owing alimony arrears. And, in most cases, they've combined the alimony with child support, so you don't know what is being paid for, or what is being credited for. This is an absurdity, unlawful and unconstitutional, because it promotes debtors' prisons.

In the above mentioned case permanent alimony seems justified. For those of us whose spouse refused to work and have affairs, it is not justified. I believe in rehabilitative type alimony, not permanent. I’m now suffering a life sentence with no chance of alimony parole. What incentive is there for the ex to get re-married or find a decent job? None! She tells me all the time!!!!!!!!!!!

The emperor has no clothes. What is the unspoken truth here--at least unspoken from the NJ Divorce Industry. The NJ Family Bar will pontificate how it represents the interests of those who need permanent alimony the most--how the only concern is seeing to it that alimony is "fair to all". That;s equivalent to the Teachers Union scream how much they "care about the children" during contract negotiations. I recently saw a statistic that said that in NJ approx 80% of all post divorce court motions involve requests for reduction in alimony payments. Think of the the thousands of billable hours in those motions. The victims of this corrupt system get lifetime alimony--the NJ Family Bar gets lifetime litigation.

Alimony reform is inevitable because the status quo is patently unfair--and everyone know it, including the NJ Family Bar.

Lifetime alimony is nothing but a legalized form of slavery. No adult should be forced to support another adult for a lifetime with the exception of a spouse becoming handicapped during the marriage. If you enter into a marriage where one person holds a job or runs a business and the other maintains the home and takes care of children tending to their needs then you have an obligation to a POINT. I used the terms "taking care" and "tending to the needs of the children" as opposed to "raised the kids" implying that just because one partner goes to work every day means they are not involved in the raising of the kids. The courts do in fact look at it as such. Plenty goes on in a family after 5pm weekdays and on weekends. The kids also go to school six hours a day after their first five years of life. The duties around the home give no more credit to raising children as does the spouse at work and should be understood as such. Alimony for getting someone back on their feet and into their career is fair. 5-7 years is more than enough time.

A 150+ years ago there were laws that supported slavery and there were those that broke those laws to fight against what they believed was an unjust law. Back then they were clearly breaking the laws and were considered criminals. Today they are seen as heroes for standing up against unjust laws. Lifetime alimony is an unjust law. Fairness needs to find its way into the family courts.

Courts having "broad and substantial discretion with respect to its decision in rendering alimony" is darn right! My boyfriend and I struggle to stay afloat because at the time of my boyfriend's divorce, 2009, he was given a significant $100,000 bonus on top of his pay to lay-off 80% of the bank he worked for and to stay with the bank while they reorganized. The courts considered this one-time payment as compensation and forced my boyfriend to fork over $7,000 per month to a woman with a management degree and who used to lead 70+ people when she worked a full time job. The court did not require her to go back to work but rather, they required that my boyfriend keep her "earning the same standard of living she enjoyed during the marriage". So the courts do have a lot of discretion. For some reason they think that allowing a woman to live on ex-husband funded welfare is the right thing to do by both parties. It's not! My boyfriend would have been happy to pay alimony for 5-10 years whie his ex got back to work and became self-sufficient. But the courts instead opted on incentivizing her to DO NOTHING but sit at home and collect. NJ, I'm so fed up with what you are doing to my family!

Alimony laws need reform in NJ. At least an unbiased committee representing the different sides-pro and Con-should convene in this appointed commission. Tom Leustek is working hard to educate the luic and family court attorneys who are stacking the deck keeping pro reform members off the panel hrough a spontaneous floor amendment. The notion of permanent alimony is barbaric and needs to be studied and proper reform legislated

The attorneys always point to the really old female stay-at-home mom as being a potential victim in any changes in our outdated alimony laws. The truth is much different. Equitable distribution, pension benefits, social security, and much more will guarantee a comfortable lifestyle for these isolated cases.

The truth of the matter is that these types of divorces in long term marriages where the parties are in their latter years are very rare.

What is much more common is permanent alimony being required to be paid in marriages of less than 10 years to a healthy ex-spouse.

It's time to look at these ancient laws and fix them so that they protect the non-working spouse, but are also not used as a lifetime annuity in the form of permanent litigation and legal fees for family law attorneys.

There's a reason why the attorneys are up in arms about this movement, folks.

And it's not about protecting anybody but themselves and their multi-billion dollar a year family law industry in New Jersey! Just follow the money and you'll get all your answers.....

Terry Power
Clearwater, FL

People seem to overlook the mental anguish aspect of permanent alimony awards. There is NOTHING equitable on that count and it's an enormous part of the equation. One party is saddled FOREVER with being as successful as he or she was at the time of the divorce in order to afford the judgement levied against them with the threat of JAIL hanging over their heads. This, despite a chaging economy which in recent years has been horrible. The other party's only concern is when their next payment will hit their account. Alimony is neccessary many times for some period of time, but everyone deserves to have a light at the end of the tunnel. The stress and negative emotions never let healing take place. There are many honorable, tax paying, law abiding citizens out there suffering tremendoulsy.
Alimony reform is long overdue.

My alimony agreement reads, "alimony until remarriage". My ex-wife took great delight during our 18 years of marriage in letting me know she could "do so much better than me". I signed this agreement because my attorney told me we could get this changed anytime in the future if "circumstances changed". Immediately after the divorce my ex moved in with her boyfriend and has lived with him for the last 12 years, while she also secured full time employment.
After 4 court appeareances I finally received a verdict of Domestic Cohabitation on the part of my ex. The judge never modified alimony! The judge never took into consideration my ex's income or the income of her Domestic Partner. My alimony is still the same!
I am faced with lifetime alimony in NJ. My ex enjoys a better standard of liviing post divorce than anytime during our marriage. The Camden County NJ family court showed no interest in my financial position or my future financial position. I am nearing retirement and faced with serious financial issues with no relief in sight.
I am counting on NJ Alimony Reform to have judges look at the payers ability to continue alimony, when the receipient spouse has no need for alimony.
I support NJ Alimony Reform because I am looking for a fair and balanced approach to long term alimony.

My ex wife retired when she was only 46 I may not ever get a chance to retire. The attorneys took all the liquid assets and when they were completely deleted they decided to settled .

According to the 2012 US Statistical Abstract, 58% of all college graduates are women, 42% are men. Married women account for 62% of all women in the work force.

Why would anyone be entitled to anything permanent? Alimony should be for getting someone back on their feet and to continue to be self sufficent and support oneself. I put my ex-wife thru college and worked..i did not have the oppertunitelty to go to college and get a 4 year degree cause...weill i was working to support her and our kids...so now that they are grown and self supportive i need to pay the Ex till the day i die...sounds like a good reason for me to leave the country and never return.

Was married 15 years. My then wife did work. She also has an MBA. She now makes in excess of 100k per year. Kids out of college. Now not much difference between our incomes.

I am tagged with permanent alimony. Divorced 11 years ago. Not sure if the law considers a change in circumstances like this without litigation.

A review of the law and a cessation of permanent alimony in today's society where all folks have the opportunity to excel is now needed more than ever.

It is interesting that LL seems to know a buzzword - permanent alimony. Also by the sounds of her letter -describing marriage of 36 years and husband went for a younger women - she is looking for revenge and not equity. Judges are people who have emotions too! Emotions and a good family law attorney can exploit this. increased legal bills for all. This type of situation seems to be a legitimate reason to carefully review our alimony laws.

Lifetime alimony. Here is what it is for us living in modern day involutary servitude. I wrote this from the bottom of my heart and what I feel and live every day.

I have provided my ex-spouse with 100% financial support in the form of lifetime alimony for the past nine years. She has not worked a day during this time and openly says she considers herself retired. In effect, she "retired" at the... age of 43. I will likely not get nine days of retirement in my life unless the laws are changed in NJ. This is fair? Also, in this weak economy I live under extreme stress worrying that if I lose my job my retirement funds will be drained dry by alimony leaving me destitute and broken despite all my hard work over the years. And I had custody of the kids and raised them the best I could. This terrible burden weighs more heavily on me each year. I feel like a nervous dog in a cage at a kill shelter awaiting the worst to happen and worrying that I will never get out of this terrible place.

Alimony should be a temporary support to help the one in need get to a position where he or she can support themselves. It should never be a permanent punishment for ending a marriage. While the example here is extreme, most marriages end with both sides having contributed to the decline and destruction of the marriage. I never asked for or collected alimony although I was the homemaker, mother, and support for our small business. I feel great about having worked hard and built a fabulous career after divorce. Restorative or temporary support encourages growth and developement of the "displaced" individual and is designed to assist them until they can proudly stand on their own too feet. It is quite empowering to succeed whether because you want to or need to. Glad I took this road and I encourage all men and women to do the same! Self sufficient and independent and proud of it!

The distinction between these “types” of alimony is, generally, duration. Permanent alimony is the only type of alimony which is paid for a relatively indefinite period of time. I was married for almost 18 years to an Alcoholic/Drug Addict. Why do I have to Enable an addict to continue with PERMANENT ALIMONY?

In addition to all of the well-stated reasons above why permanent alimony is grossly inappropriate, it also completely discourages marriage in the State of NJ. While the receiver would need to give up their lifetime annuity to remarry, the payor may unwittingly obligate their new spouse with their neverending debt. There needs to be finality to the connection between ex-spouses. Alimony reform is absolutely necessary and long overdue.

In my divorce, I have custody of all the children, my ex filed for the actual divorce, she moved in with her boyfriend, never worked after the divorce and I still pay her permanent alimony. I also when back to the courts for a motion to reduce it and the court denied it. Seems like in nj all you get is permanent alimony. No way to end alimony

"Anticipating how a judge will exercise his or her discretion." Therin lies the problem! Judges have FAR too much discretion. The anticipation is easy. When I got divorced in 2005 the first thing my attorney asked me is how long was I married. When I said 22 years she said you're going to have to pay permanent alimony. Both attornies already knew this so there really is no question how a judge will respond. They ALWAYS respond with permanent alimony; and the lawyers try to prolong the agony as long as possible because it just creates more billable hours. My ex and I had worked out an agreement prior to any lawyers being involved. When we got to the point of signing, her lawyer threw everything out and turned a 15 minute settlement into a year and a half worth of fees. No wonder why he's against reform and a partner in his firm!

My ex husband asked me for a divorce 4.5 years ago. We were married 16 years. I worked my way up over 25 years beginning as a secretary and eventually, at the time of divorce, was in management. Long story short, he was working as a woodworker from home in the later years, smoking cigarettes and watching Jerry Springer while I was working harder and harder trying to move up the ladder in order to make the money to pay the bills. The court only looks back three years so at the time of the divorce, I was making good money but four years prior was making significantly less (promotion to manager got me the pay raise). It took me 21 years to finally get a manager title (not equal to my male counterparts but I was proud of myself anyway) only to be painted as the "bread winner" and he falsely as the "stay at home dad" raising the children. I did everything from cook, clean, get our son to his sports activities, etc. and had all of the documentation proving they attended full time daycare for years and then the before and after school program (which MY parents helped pay for). In a nut shell, I now pay my ex LIFETIME alimony until the day he leaves the earth. He abandoned our children shortly after the divorce in 2010 and they have not seen or heard from him. I had my wages garnished when I missed one alimony payment because the heat was shut off. Why would he get a job and step up with our children when he is getting his pay day from me? It is a shame and must change.

If the primary bread winner in a married relationship retires, both people have to adjust and learn to live on lesser income. In a life time alimony situation, the receiving spouse has already obtained 50% or more of the couple’s assets plus 50% or more of the paying spouse’s retirement investments/pension. Why it is that when the payer retires, the payee is still getting the same amount. He/she already has 50% of the retirement assets. Forcing the payer to use his/her retirement assets to pay alimony is double dipping. It is unfair to make the payer work until his/her death just because their marriage failed. There needs to be changes in the law to allow payers to reduce or eliminate alimony when circumstances change. Retirement is a change in circumstances.

Permanent alimony must be eliminated. Alimony laws must be changed to address these issues and be made mandatory so judges CANNOT use discretion. The following reforms are necessary:

1. Where the alimony recipient moves in with a paramour, boyfriend or girlfriend and maintains a marital-type relationship where incomes, assets and expenses are commingled such as food, clothing, shelter, automobiles, insurances, etc.

2. No permanent alimony allowed where one spouse had an affair with someone else during the marriage.

3. No permanent alimony for spouse abusers or child abusers. However, the spouse or child abuser must be convicted of the acts in a court of competent jurisdiction and the alleged abuse cannot be based on just allegations or charges.

4. No alimony for persons with drug/alcohol/substance abuse problems unless they are monitored monthly for rehabilitation and substance abuse tests. If the payee refuses to comply with rehabilitation or drug tests, alimony is immediately terminated.

5. If the spouse seeking alimony quits their job within 5 years prior to divorce (5 years is statute of limitations on fraudulent conveyance).

6. Permanent and all other alimony (along with child support) must be automatically reduced equivalently upon a prima facie showing of at least a 20% reduction in salary for at least 6 months.

7. Permanent alimony must be terminated upon the payee spouse's income being at least 50% of the payor spouse's income.

I have friends who went to 4 years of college, smart as anything, and because their marriage is over expect alimony!

I have cancer, my husband has cancer and his ex who has been paid longer than their marriage and play tennis everyday, expects him to work till he dies! She even gets life ins. Which he doesn't mind. But the market,world, economy has changed. It is going to come down to alimony vs health ins.

Oh and she has lived with her fiancé for 11 years+. So much for fair.

I believe it should be the length of marriage or if the marriage was short, enough to get yourself on your feet. And remember this is not child support and also PERMANENT ALIMONY is not just about women. It goes for men too!

This could be your child in the future! Where would you stand if your daughter had to pay her EX FOREVER??

Frustrated!

Further examples of alimony reform:

8. Maintaining a spouse in the lifestyle they were accustomed to during the marriage is to be eliminated given that, in most circumstances, both lifestyles are reduced upon divorce, and the payor spouse is no longer obligated to the payee once divorce is entered, otherwise the term divorce is a nullity and a fraud.

9. Alimony should be based on a sliding scale percentage based on number of years married, and is to take the proposed alimony recipient's income, assets and equitable distribution into consideration.

10. Alimony must never be allowed to be enforced to the point of impoverishing any spouse, including but not limited to "double-dipping" into the payor spouse's retirement funds, which are normally a one-time distribution at the time of the divorce, if the payor spouse falls behind in payments to the payee spouse. If a payor spouse starts to fall behind in payments to the payee spouse, a reduction must be instituted based on an alimony hearing for causes of the reduction in the payor spouse's income.

As I mentioned in my response to L.L above: “In fact, resolution of issues involving alimony are often the most litigated and contentious aspect of a divorce. . . [and] result in months, if not years, of costly and stressful litigation. ”

The exchange of comments on this issue as to the different scenarios being discussed speaks volumes as to just how contentious and frustrating resolving these issues can be. Keep in mind, when cases involve real money and real lives as opposed to hypotheticals, the level of acrimony can be overwhelming.

But it’s important for everyone to keep in mind that it is you and your spouse who have control of the process - not the court, not the lawyers and not the legislatures who draft the law. These people can impact your case but it is you, the litigant, who has the power and authority to keep your case from spiraling out of control.

I am near the one year anniversary of my divorce. I was told that if left up to the court my ex husband would get perm alimony from me. He got 50% of our considerable assets. However, my attorney said that is not taken into consideration in a ‘no fault’ divorce. I negotiated with my ex for 10 years alimony. At our hearing the Judge said "Mr. X you understand you are entitled to life time alimony benefits" (BENEFITS LIKE I'M AN INSURANC CO). I warned him that could happen. For once he was a gentleman and said he would accept what was negociated. I pay him because my husband decided not to look for work when he got laid off 5 years ago. He chose to stay home and drink and proceeded to accumulate 4 DUI's and 5 years that included two 180 day jail terms. He completed a very expensive 90 day in patient rehab, and drank the first day home.
We have no children; he didn't stay home to help with childcare costs. Instead of getting off his butt and look for a job, He chose to drink and feel sorry for himself, and put others at risk by driving drunk.
He is a very well educated man. He had a good career and a well paying job. He chose not to look for work. I got laid off last year. I worked tirelessly to find a job. He is rewarded for his bad behavior. Had I not educated my self and really worked hard to negotiate with him, I am could've been punished for the rest of my life for having the misfortune of a failed marriage.

Significant efforts have been made by the courts and the state and county bar associations to provide the public every opportunity to take and maintain control of their own financial fate so as to avoid costly litigation and the perpetuation of adversity in the divorce process.

Lawyers have an affirmative obligation to advise clients of the availability of mediation and other alternative dispute resolution methods. The court has established programs mandating both parties participate in education programs aimed at explaining to litigants the value of settlement over litigation. The court implements mandatory mediation with lawyers providing mediation services, in part, free of charge. Lawyers also volunteer and serve on settlement panels, something available to all litigants whereby the attorneys hear litigants’ cases and make unbiased recommendations in an effort to give litigants coaching on fair settlements of their cases. Additionally the courts often conduct settlement conferences where the litigants will get preliminary input from a judge as to issues which are in dispute. Clearly there is an abundance of resources available to all litigants so that they can make well informed decisions on how to settle their case in a fair manner and avoid the consequences of costly litigation. Believe it or not, even with all these resources some cases still don’t settle.

But keep in mind, your lawyer cannot force you to litigate. A judge cannot demand you go to trial. An adverse attorney cannot force your spouse to take unreasonable positions. In the end, the ultimate control power and authority as to what happens in your divorce case lies primarily in the hands of you and your spouse/ partner.

Can your spouse/partner, despite all efforts to settle, still hold an irrational and unreasonable position and force a costly trial, yes. But the fact is, by virtue of the cited limited number of case that do go to trial, an strong argument can be made the process is working as a result of a commitment on the part of all involved in the system - lawyers, judges and legislators - to have you avoid litigation and settle your case.

By the way, a lot of very compelling points have been made in the discussions and I may very well be using some of these arguments in future cases. Thanks you the input.

It appears that some are forgetting that New Jersey is a NO FAULT state. I have a horror story too, to share, my husband's story. However, unfortunately, the marital story doesn't matter. The LAW IS WHAT MATTERS. Divorce law should be fair, just and not tilted to favor either side of the story. Family Law attorneys and judges are suppose to be upholding the law rather than being influenced by their emotional responses to a clients accusations. Lawyers and judges should be impartial to those stories and deliver fair and reasonable divorce outcomes; ones that both parties can peacefully live with. Many of the New Jersey divorces are settled through mediation with the looming concern that the outcome could be worse if one pushes to stand before a judge; "this is a good deal, you better take it, if you go in front of the judge you are likely to get permanent alimony." What is that? A guy is suppose to feel lucky because he agreed to letting his ex take 62% of each of his pay checks + every month?? Family Law attorneys, judges and legislatures only seem to be living in the moment. They aren't realizing, male or female, this too will happen to them if they divorce in NJ. New Jersey legislatures and Family Law attorneys are delivering divorce outcomes that are unfair, unreasonable, outdated and frankly..archaic. In the mean time, the New Jerseyan vote, the media, and all of the reported stories will measure whether NJ legislatures and attorneys are doing their job.

After 14 years of marriage, I discovered (Sept. 2010) that my wife had a lover for a while and left me for him. I met her an illegal alien and made her a citizen. Gave her everything. We had/have two kids and now she wants to move in with her new love interest. He's 12 years younger than her, an illegal alien, and quite an entrepreneur. He's subsidizing her law bills (20,0000 mine- so their's has to comparable). Surely, his motivation is to acquire papers. Meantime, she wants me to pay her alimony. I pay my child support and then some. She is young, ambitious, and has a new provider. Why in Gods earth should I pay alimony!!

I just read more of these stories. I can't believe any judge would encourage a client to take permanent alimony...spousal welfare; that way of thinking is so out of touch with current society. I propose, that any New Jersey attorney, judge or legislature who collects alimony, and/or has a family member or close friend that collects alimony, should be be exempt from litigating, mediating or hearing an alimony case and exempt from voting on any issues related to NJ alimony reform.

People have no idea how many people are affected by unfair Divorce Judgments. It effects all of your family and significant others. This is injustice at its worse. The laws must change. The Judges must follow the law and the legislators must enact law that reflects 21st century norms. And first and foremost the Court System is fostering adversarial relationships between the mothers and fathers which deeply affect our children. The Court System is, in effect, abusing our children by issuing unfair Divorce Judgments.
One other key issue is that any Appellate Courts should automatically assume that an appeal of a divorce judgment has merit. If you are charged in criminal court you are presumed innocent until proven guilty. In a Family Civil matter it should be assumed that your appeal has merit. In my appeal to the appellate court I heard so many times, “but your case has no merit “because the lower court said so, these defeats the purpose of having an appellate court. There should also be new law which automatically stays the enforcement of a Divorce of Judgment if an appeal is filed. Many states have this law in the statutes, but not New Jersey. The Family Bar Section should not stand in the way of alimony reform and if they do there are some serious ethics issues within the bar. The way the Family Court currently handles the determination and duration of alimont violates our basic constituaional rights to fairness.

I think that this permanent alimony in New Jersey is completely out of control and will continue to be that way since it puts lots of money into to pockets of the attorneys; and they are the ones that have the big money (made from milking their poor distraught clients) to hire lobbists. We need to get the Big Money out of politics and our legal system. There is entirely too much corruption brought on by greed. Also, age and who ends up having custody of the children (which changes after the rulings) should come into determining this matter. Lets put some common sense and fairness back into this process and quit destroying peoples lives; especially permanently!!

When a couple gets divorced, it should be the finality of a relationship, not the begining of an expensive lawyer fee based struggle. We are being foolish to think that the attorneys don't play a role in creating problems, anger, unrealistic expectations and promises of being forever taken care of.
If there were a simple chart that created an absolute in number of years you will receive alimony, millions of dollars every year would be lost to make the lawyers rich.
Between my x and I, we spent over $100,000.00 additional in fighting the term of alimony. Just think, that money and millions more would be lost for the lawyers to grab.
Lets stop this madness once and for all and see it for what it is. Permanent alimony is the open door for attorneys to get rich while disguising themselves as fighting for "what is right and what you deserve".
Lots of things change when there is a divorce, lifestyle and income levels just go along with everything else that changes. You cannot pick what changes and what doesn't because of fabricatied standards.

The following phrases are alarming:

...what the court considers reasonable and just...

...trial court has broad and substantial discretion with respect to its decision in rendering an alimony award an alimony award....

This discretion and ability for the court to make a judgment based upon WHAT IT BELIEVES pose great risk for the higher earner. There is no mandate to account for spouses' refusal to work at all, refusal to work as well as they are able, destructive offenses such as infidelity, abuse of alcohol, etc., spending habits that create financial distress. Length of marriage and income disparity are the decision drivers, and they are inadequate. I had a great experience with my lawyer and am not bitter about my settlement. However, I became painfully aware of the lack of impact spousal behavior had on the deal I'd have to strike. My ex was young, able and a masterful coattail rider. He got a deal...because he could. I know of dozens of others who accepted a settlement because factors that SHOULD matter do not. Very unfortunate. The system desperately needs reform. And those so-called other "multitude of factors" that should be considered REALLY should be considered. I still say marriage is the only contract you can break and still get paid.

What is also troubling: that Attorneys give advice on what course of action any one party can make without regard for the extraordinary cost of any one of those actions. Way to go to you lawyers who always have a solution that involves huge billed hours!

Only in very rare and unusual circumstances should permanent alimony be awarded. Temporary/rehabilitative should be the standard for a fixed time; (3-5 yrs)It is not considered very responcibly by the courts. The law is antiquated and out of touch with todays society. It also harms children under the guise of helping them.

Alimony and the family court system is way out of control. People do not beleive that it is so bad unless they have a family member who has been ordered to pay permanent alimony to the ex. Men and women payers are being sent into debt, homelessness, bankruptcy etc. The downbeat economy is making a bad situation worse and the judges turn a deaf ear to it. They say "there is NOTHING wrong with the economy". It's time for NJ to review and rewrite these laws that promote involuntary servitude which is unconstitutional.

Why can't courts periodically evaluate alimony recipients employment, income and living arrangements? Why should it take ten thousand dollars or more to see if alimony or even child support end or even be reduced? It's very one sided in favor of the attorneys, courts and recipients.

Anyone whining about alimony or attorneys or courts or the law has nobody but themselves to blame. Let me guess: in the bliss of getting engaged and married, you never bothered to check the rule book and now that you find yourself, as I did, among the 50% of those whose marriages went down the drain, you're shocked....shocked to find out divorce settlements are not just inequitable, but downright wrong. Shucks...not sure what to tell you, except to stay single. Other than the tens of thousands of dollars you wasted on a 5 hour party at the beginning, and the tens of thousands of dollars you are now wasting on attorneys at the end, what did you get? Nothing, but a lousy piece of paper that means absolutely nothing. Zip. Nada. Other than filing jointly and shared medical benefits, marriage is a scam, pure and simple. It's a church-imposed institution (yep...the church makes gobs of money too on marriage) that has no purpose other than to trick you into spending stacks of cash on everyone but yourself. Ask yourself this question: In what other compartment of your life is variety discouraged? The entire enterprise is set up to make money for churches, towns, lawyers, shrinks and websites. But still - ignorance of the law is not only no excuse...it's a pathetic excuse.

Get a job, go to school, make money like we all do. Tell me this!. When she paid 30% of all the bills and I paid 70% when married. then you find out she stole over 125,000 and your sitting at home one day and the cops come to your door and have a restraining order againest you, which was found by the court to be false, then you leave and NOW have to pay 130% of the bills to include $3000 a month and $810.00 a month how is this fair! Someone tell me...

Michael - you sound like a loose cannon. Maybe the restraining order was warranted?

A divorce should be a complete divorce from each other. That should include a divorce from his or her pay check as well. Permanent alimony is similar to endentured servitude. This has nothing to do with child support.
Lawyers need to make money, we get that. But this should not be at the expense of families. Today's modern divorce is never ending. CIS's, motions, trial dates, negotiations, letters, ect ensure years of legal fees for attorneys, and economic disasters for families.
Streamline the process, end permanent alimony, force marrying couples to sign prenuptuals and stop this insanity.

There should be a popular vote established by petition for or against permanent alimony. There should also be a fixed fee for the lawyers and the courts regardless of how much time or how many motions it takes. I truly believe a conflict of interest exists with the lawyers and judges.

You think that you are going to get justice at Family Court, you can forget that. Family Court is nothing more than a State processing Agency. How fast can the Judge get this case off his desk and paperwork filed so that some State Agency can start garnishing someone's paycheck. Permanent alimony is a way that the State doesn't have to put the recipiants on it's welfare roll. So many women (and men for that matter) who check out of a relationship and never give one thought to ever going back to work after the children are in school full time sit there in dismay and o'pine for the "good ole days" when the hard working spouse busted thier rear ends to make things work and they wonder where the gravy train has gone. I say wake up. You are entittled to the opportunity to work hard, fend for yourself and take personal responsibility for yourself and your family. Nothing wrong with helping someone for a few years get on their feet but permanent alimony is wrong no matter how you slice and dice it. Lawyers need to stop bilking the system and these poor folk that go to Family Court thinking that they will be heard and that what they have to say even matters. It's all a formula and the lawyers know it and use the system to enrich themselves and their firms. The whole process is an American disgrace.

I find these stories, quite obviously, very sad. I got divorced from my first husband in 1999. There was no abuse or infidelity involved and for those of you who have had that, I feel for you. But we sat down once the storm of emotion was over and literally hand wrote how we were going to split everything from assets to furniture to how we would handle raising our daughter. We then went to a mediator to go over what we agreed upon. The only reason we had to hire an attorney (one...not two because neither of us contested anything) was for the petition of divorce to be legal. I believe our divorce cost us $1,500 in total. And you know what...we're still friends because we didn't try to kill each other over things we would never "win". The only people who "win" in an ugly divorce is the attorney. Fortunately...we were smarter to not allow that to happen. I wish the person who wrote to the attorney good luck and for a peaceful resolution.

Mine was also in Florida, Betty so I'm not sure if the laws are different in different states. And it was also 14 years ago so things may have changed. My point was really more about trying to establish a reasonable agreement on your own first. We wanted a divorce and not to lose everything that WE worked for to get where we were. We just wanted to move forward without a financial disaster.

The voice of reasonable people. That's when mediation works. I am sure attorney's would love all clients to work through a $1500 divorce at 20 couples a week as opposed to those who wager unlimited assets until three years later, the higher earner is saddled with all legal expenses (surprise!), the permanent alimony is in place the children are alienated. Next step is more litigation on how to re-unite two as valuable parents, court ordered psychologists to evaluate the children, and endless motions to force visitation. Family Bar Association is an oxymoron.

On Second thought the definition of bar is: "A long rod or rigid piece of wood, metal, or similar material, typically used as an obstruction, fastening, or weapon". So the Family BAR is just that. I correct myself.

Mr. Snyder,
Can you please explain to me why my Ex wife who gets lifetime alimoy from me and who received half of the Mutual Funds I invested in, my 401K that I invested in and my pension that I worked hard to acquire is entittled to get alimony payments when I retire? At that point in my life my only income will be payouts form the above investments. Since she already recieved half of that money upfront, wouldn't you think that if I have to pay her from my share of those investments that she would be double dipping?? Just wondering because that's how it feels to me.

My divorce was finalized on Aug 7, 2012 in Somerset County. Married 15 years, ex-wife out-earned me from 2002 through 2004 and on pace to out earn me in 2005 when she decided to stop working. I filed for divorce in Sept 2010, she had a job outside her career for the last 3 years. The court used only the last 2 years and there was no case law to be used to show what to do when there's a switch of primary earner with a 15 year marriage. Also, two different Early Settlement Panel's through the Court said 4 and 6 years tops for alimony. But I was made to be afraid for my life with a likely alimony for life decision by the Court so I agreed to 12 years. I earn 2 paychecks a month, each net about $3400. She earns about $3500 for the month...these are all approx net pays. I have to pay my ex-wife $3040 (2K for alimony and 1040.00 child support). That gives her net income of ~6K and me ~3,400 for the month. Where is there justice in this? Alimony should be based on a jury not a Judge...how can we get that to happen?

I would also like to understand the following: With my primary job which is in line with my career I am paying my alimony and child support payments, and trying to pay for my mortgage, living and commuting expenses so I can get to work to pay for my alimony committements to stay out of jail. What happens if I decide to flip burgers or get a real estate license to make extra income to survive? Does my sweat towards a second job get included when we review for alimony adjustments? Is it possible to prevail making the case that only my primary job income should be considered with any alimony reviews? That is, the primary job income from the same type of work which I had while in the marriage? If not, how could that be fair that an ex-spouse capitalize from a person who wishes to work harder to survive and stay out of jail for missed alimony payments?

The only way for the alimony crowd (lawyers, judges, probation workers and ex-wives) to understand we've had enough it to either change the laws, and if that doesn't work, do what the spokesperson for Florida Alimony Reform, Debbie Israel, said at the NJWAR symposium earlier in the month: "Go to Plan B". Plan B is an income tax strike on both federal and state. I agree. And, there is precedent for this.

Every alimony payor who has been egregiously violated by the state of NJ should implement this strategy by declaring 320 MILLION dependents on their W-2s, W-4s, 1040s, 1099s, etc. This was done in an IRS case in 1974, and has never been overturned. The case was U.S. v. Snider, 502 F.2d 645 (4th Cir. 1974), where the Fourth Circuit U.S. Court of Appeals found that 3 BILLION dependents on W-4 was proper. The couple claimed violation of their First Amendment Religious beliefs and were conscientious objectors. The objected on grounds that using tax monies for unpopular wars, giving foreign aid to our enemies, and in general, wasting taxpayers monies against the taxpayer. The Fourth Circuit Appeals Court upheld it & the IRS lost.

Here we have a similar circumstance, where constitutional rights are being abrogated by the state and Feds. They take our taxes, but then force us into peonage and forced labor under terroristic threats.

It is time for a tax strike. We have several hundred thousand alimony payors in NJ where a tax strike will cripple the state.

What if the roles are reversed and the woman steps out on the marriage and she files for divorce? The answer is; she will get lifetime alimony! There should only be rehabilitative alimony and in situations of a special needs child, if the parents cannot come to a reasonable conclusion at that point, a judge should decide on the cost of care. To mix child support and alimony and have a legislator be confused signals to me that we need to change out the legislators. I used the very same law firm and they insisted that I would only be able to get lifetime alimony. In addition, there charges were excessive and certainly the money pool that they share in they do not want to shrink. Lastly, the NJ Legislature along with the Family Court section are not very good with math. How can one person provide for two households and who in their right mind thinks this is a good idea. Lawyers spend a great deal of time reading and studying but, are very short on the notion of common sense. Lifetime alimony is welfare plain and simple.

sense

The main points being made here are that alimony reform is needed. The existing laws were set up when there was a stay at home or part-time working spouse who took care of the family. That is no longer the norm today. I agree that some level of alimony is needed to help the lower earning spouse adjust to a different lifestyle. Lifetime or permanent alimony on the other hand is a lifetime sentence for the paying spouse.

Why in God's name should one spouse, male or female, be required to pay the other spouse longer than they were married? That does not make any sense at all and literally places a huge burden on the paying spouse.

Let's be realistic here. Lawyers are not going to suggests changes. They make their living in family court causing anguish and fighting between spouses. Someone must come forward in NJ as other states have to reform alimony laws. This is not a man vs woman thing. It is a family thing and familes are torn apart by the division created by the divorce process in New Jersey.

Lawyers don't get accounting degrees and are not accountants (there could be an exception here or there). That is why it is imperative for anyone who goes through a divorce, to neeeeeever allow the lawyers to juggle the numbers; they are sure to screw with your money and your life, probably unintentionally. Get a close friend, family member, or friend of a friend who is sharp with numbers/accounting to run through the numbers with you. You are allowed to take your own accountant to mediation (your accountant is whomever YOU say it is).

The biggest problem here is that "a trial court has broad and substantial discretion with respect to its decision in rendering". It means that anything can or will happen. No one can predict the outcome. Which, of course, is why the blog contains so many words instead of a simple answer like yes or no.

I live in Germany, where the law is very clear. If you ask a German lawyer this question, he can tell you exactly what you would receive and for how long you would receive it. Furthermore, the total court costs involved would be very limited. Your legal fees, too. It's a clear and positive difference. New Jersey needs better alimony laws.

Since the so-called "Blue Ribbon Committee" is nothing more than a "red herring", maybe all NJ Alimony Reform members and their supporters start calling Senate Judiciary Chair Scutieri, and the rest of the Committee, to bypass, or better yet, terminate the "Blue Ribbon Commission" because it has been co-opted by the Matrimonial Bar Association, constitutes an unconstitutional conflict-of-interest for the Matrimonial Bar Association, and will provide no relief or change for the residents of New Jersey. Tell Scutieri and the others on the Judiciary Committee that the "Blue Ribbon Commission" as it is comprised now is being used to obstruct the legislative process.
...

Thank you. I absolutely and positively agree. Couldn't agree more. It was a delay and stall tactic from the word go...

The way that the Pendent Lite is awarded in NJ – always way above the payer’s means - is corruption by definition (Corruption: impairment of integrity, virtue, or moral principle).
The way the court enforces the unbearable Pendent Lite’s payments forcing payers to accept an unfair agreement in order to not be arrested is terrorism by definition (Terrorism: Systematic use of violence to create a general climate of fear in a population and thereby to bring about a particular political objective)
Alimony payers, in many cases, are nothing but modern slaves (US Department of State on Modern Slavery: Also known as involuntary servitude, forced labor may result when unscrupulous employers exploit workers made more vulnerable by high rates of unemployment, poverty, crime, discrimination, corruption, political conflict, or even cultural acceptance of the practice).
A layer is like fast food. The second one has no nutritional value and the first one has no use in a judicial system that has no regard for justice. Both are just products that they try to force us to consume.

It's funny how although the details of these postings may differ, the essence is really the same. We've all been coerced/forced/threatened into accepting what is inherently unfair either by attorneys or judges. Same thing. My ex tells me all the time that I "agreed" to the terms of the divorce. There is no "agreeing" when your have a pistol to your head and your attorney is telling you this is a good deal. "Could be much worse and will certainly be very costly if you let a judge decide". My divorce cost ~$45k and that was without going to court.
Alimony reform is long long long overdue.

Where is the author of this blog? No doubt afraid anything he writes here will be used against him in Court.

WE NEED JUDGE PIRRO: Anyone on facebook or twitter send her this link please.
There’s a new push to end lifetime alimony in New Jersey, something a number of other states are considering as well. But is this a good idea? Judge Jeanine Pirro thinks so, saying, “Alimony is based on this archaic notion, generally, that women gave up their careers, they gave up the chance to work, to get into the work force and when they get divorced, they don’t have that chance to get back into the work force. Therefore, they got alimony or spousal support.”

Now that times have changed, the laws are outdated. Pirro suggested a modification to the law, saying, “You put 25 years in, you should have to pay 25 years. Or you were married for seven years, you have to pay 7 years. But the whole idea of lifetime … you could do a lot worse things and get out of jail sooner.”
Based on the above, especially the last line of the quote, is there any wonder why some of the horrific things happening in society are going on?

Mr Snyder: Kindly comment on Judge Pirro's position and recommendation.

The scenario that the lawyers put out there is a supporting wife, I'll add its both male and female. What they forget to leave out is that a cheating spouse who is committing adultery, and working in every way to destroy the marriage, will also be supported. The system is broken and needs a revamp. No one should receive lifetime support. GET A JOB. I was told by a family court worker, we don't even read the complaints, we just split up assets. How can a fair decision be rendered under this format? No one cares and everyone's getting paid. If you can not read complaints then don't make a decision that effects someone for the rest of their life.

Great News!!! The Florida Alimony Reform Bill "passes Civil Justice Committee in the Florida House with only two no votes Rodriguez and Stafford."- Deb Israel

Way to go Florida legislatures, just a couple more steps!

We are in a CONSTANT STATE OF WAR that these Family courts are inflicting upon society. The draconian Family courts, are implementing RUSSIAN (SOVIET) FAMILY LAW, ARTICLE 55, 81 (alimony & child support), as the modus operandi of their operation. The state, the courts, police and other opportunistic entities, understand who is buttering their side of the bread-- for over a half century now.
If you look throughout our past, that such incidents DID NOT EXIST UNTIL THE ADVENT OF RADICAL 3rd WAVE FEMINISM. The courts and all its agents and agencies, understand by implementing this BREEDING TAX against Fathers', that they are assuring their ongoing employment and TRANSFER OF WEALTH SCHEMES. Indeed, history shows us, that until Feminism changed the form of government and fed off of, and destroyed the modern two-parent family, that there were no such arrests, imprisonments, kidnappings and shootouts.

Instead of implementing the law and empowering Fathers (not the courts) to control, direct and own their own families--the courts have caused a virtual WAR against our society, that not only costs the victims of this judicial and government feminist fraud, but also the taxpayers, whom must ultimately fund this madness.

If you look at government court, police, feminist and other agencies growth whom directly benefit from this CONSTANT STATE OF WAR, that you will find that even now, during our 'recession' and/or 'depression' types of economy (which we will never get out of) it is they who are in an eternal growth and profit mode. Here in Chico, (again, during out depression) they are building a 65 Million dollar white elephant new court facility, at a time when everyone else is going out of business, and where families cannot feed themselves and mortgage forclosures go on unabated.

It is time that the Fathers' Rights community see through this scharade, and do what we must ultimately do: i.e. eradicate teh current anti-law feminist court system, and go back to the rule of law where the Father: not the mother, owns and controls what occurs in his household.

Indeed, re-implement that correct law--and courthouse/family arrests, imprisonments, and TRANSFER OF WEALTH schemes will dissappear, and we'll all be wealthier and healthier.

SockPuppet (I think you mean Barack Obama--he's the SockPuppet of George Soros, Bill Ayers, and all of the other left-wing Marxists hell bent on destroying American society):

Before feminism, fathers controlled the family, and society prospered. After feminism and single motherhood as an off-shoot of feminism took hold in the 70s, 80s, 90s and today, we have welfare, gangs, children in distress, children dropping out of school, teen pregnancy, teen drug/alcohol abuse, children with more mental problems than ever before, more young people committing suicides and homicides (see, Newtown shooting, Aurora and Columbine, CO, Virginia Tech, etc.), and 55 million abortions. I wonder how many mass murderers, more drug addicts, more gang members, etc., we eliminated by single mothers having abortions.

So, tell me again about father knows best. These shooters and problem children are the result of single-parent FEMALE headed households.

Dadzrites, sorry you are WRONG. DadsWRONG. God I pity your arrogance and hate, your misogynist comments reflect your total ignorance and stupidity. I hope you have not fathered children and if you have I hope that they are in the safe custody of your ex-wife. Your sort of slime is the problem with our great country today. The misguided white male supremist who usually has a small penis and a never ending story of bad relationships. Pathetic.

John Norris, you can join this ugly anti-social neanderthal Dadzstupid, I hope neither of you have fathered children. Especially not female children, God help them.

Lastly L.L., break free from your husband. If your children are grown and out of the house, choose this opportunity to become an independent wonderful woman. Downsize your living accomodations, rely on friends and family to help you when you need it and get a job that will support your modest living arrangements. Freedom from your husband will feel so much better than waiting for a check from him. Remove the shackles, be independent and be the strong woman that you are. Freedom is power.

After sifting through the angry comments, I am glad to see Selene seems to be in agreement on eliminating permanent alimony also. Freedom isn't free, but lifetime alimony is.

Selene raises an excellent point, the antiquated and standard 'maintaining the lifestyle' , should be eliminated totally from the consideration. "Removing the shackles" is precisely what NJAR is trying to accomplish by eliminating lifetime alimony and is necessary for divorced people and their children especially to establish some return to normalcy. Let a divorce be just that, a permanent end to a marriage, not a prison sentence.

Ewwwww! Isn't it amazing when you put out facts about left-wing radical feminism, the left-wing feminists come out screeching like harpies with personal ad hominem attacks. Since they don't have the facts to support them, their only recourse is personal attacks.

Even though I did go to college and got an advanced degree, as for Selene and SockPuppet calling me being a neanderthal redneck and stupid, that's the typical buzzwords and mantra of the leftist radical feminist.

Selene, your personal attacks just exposed your real ignorance by calling people names when you can't argue intelligently and cogently. As for calling me a misogynist, you've got it backwards. Your vicious, hateful comments exposed you as a misandrist. And, regarding my misspelling, anyone can hit a wrong kee wyle typing.

By the way Selene, my ex-wife has been married 4 times, killed her 3rd husband, and destroyed my relationship with my daughters through parental alienation. I've remarried once to a beautiful woman, younger than me, for the past 19 years. And, we raised a beautiful daughter together, and have a beautiful granddaughter. So, go cry in your beer feminazi.

My second wife never wanted alimony from her ex-husband, because she was independent and didn't feel entitled like most of the radical feminist-indoctrinated entitlement women out there.

Stay on point: there are grave injustices in New Jersey being dealt out every day by the so called "Family" court system.
At the center of ruining good people's lives are horrific lifetime alimony sentences. Not to mention the incredible bills pushed down the throats - and wallets - of unsuspecting spouses by matrimonial attorneys.
After paying over $300,000 to his lawyers for a simple divorce to his abusive ex-spouse, my brother ran up over $60,000 in credit card debt to be able pay her over $5,000 a month alimony while he couldn't walk due to 3 back surgeries. Now he works 3 jobs to make $5,000 payments every month - for life, along with $2,500 a month child support (ends when the youngest is 23 years old), plus $6,000 a year to maintain a two million dollar life-insurance policy -- so in case he dies, she'll be two million dollars richer. Did I mention his ex-wife is able bodied and has college degrees in both education and computer science. She doesn't work, having won the proverbial alimony lottery.
The "Family" court system in New Jersey should be totally reformed. But more importantly the insane alimony laws that are ruining good people should be changed. I don't think we need a stall tactic like a "Blue Ribbon Study" pushed on us by the family law bar and the good old boy legislators. We need real reform, and we need it now. New Jersey Alimony reform is our only chance to make this happen. Please join and support NJAR.

Whoa! What a firestorm. While I agree lifetime alimony should only be available in extreme cases (disability, age of dependant spouse, some have no hope of gaining employment if they are too old and have no prior education) I think some of you will be happy to hear that a friend of mine did in fact have his LT alimony eliminated. He paid $4,500 per month for about 10 years (just alimony, children were grown). He moved out of state after selling his business convinced the courts he was retired and could no longer pay (he now owns a business). Guess what...he got his modification and no longer has to pay a cent of the "lifetime" alimony he was ordered (he actually agreed) to pay at the time of his divorce. To say it's impossible to get out of it is not always the case. So there is hope out there for the payor spouse. Don't give up trying.

A word about this biased and slanted article. Mr. Snyder did say something very ture: "The answer to your question, “am I entitled to permanent alimony?” is unfortunately not simple. In fact, resolution of issues involving alimony are often the most litigated and contentious aspect of a divorce. Reaching a resolution as to the questions of:

Here is where we differ.

I think the questions Mr. Snyder and most attorneys ask are: "How much money do these clients - both divorcing parties - have in their bank accounts?"

And "How can I drag this endless litigation out - since i already told them this is "most litigated and contentious aspect" - so that they both won't notice when I siphon all the couples combined assets off the top."

It's easy to find one case in 100,000 where lifetime alimony may in fact be justified. But for the other 999,999 cases where it is already an unjust lifetime sentence for one person causing an extreme hardship for the payer, and the entitlement of "FREE MONEY FOR LIFE" for the other, it is totally unjustified. I watch my brother struggle every day, at age 60, work three jobs to pay is ex wife over $80,000 in combined alimony, child support, and a pay for a $2,000,000 insurance policy on his life made out to her. She doesn't work although having degrees in computers and education. He was married to his abusive ex wife for about 10 years. No justice here - ever.